I want to believe, too

Oh, people, people, people. I know that I'm sucked into the realm of also wanting to believe what all of the internet ads proclaim to be true:

"Learn about the secret teeth whitening combo discovered by a Mom who spent $10!" I mean, why does it matter that it was "discovered by a Mom?" Does that give it some special credibility? Or are we supposed to think that anyone classified as a "Mom" is so inherently stupid that she couldn't possible "discover" anything useful? I mean, I'm having a hard time discerning the social subtext, here. I mean, why not just say that a secret teeth whitening combo has been discovered? Why bring Mom into it at all?

Well, regardless, I'd love to have whiter teeth for $10. But, you know what? I'm not going to click on that ad because, well, it's just going to hit me with cookes and a bunch of other shit, and my teeth are one of the few things body-image wise that I'm pretty happy with. I like my feet, too, but - like so many other things - that could be a topic unto itself. Feet, I mean. Not necessarily mine, but just observations on feet and how mine stack up and how I like pedicures and whatnot.

But I gotta say, I've been taken in by weight loss ads. Yup, I have a bad enough body image to desperately want to be able to easily lose weight. Yes, I know that diet and exercise are the only proven methods, but I really want it to be as easy as a patch or a pill. I also hope you heard the whining in that last statement: I really, really, REALLY want it to be easy. And fast. Don't forget about fast. So far, I think the only legit way to lose weight fast is to have a colon cleanse, a good old-fashioned high colonic. But I can't do it. I just can't...

But wait! See, now, I have to retract my statement about colonic (aka enema) being quick weight loss. Because I was searching around the internet just now looking for a nice link to put here to support my assumption and lo and behold if I don't discover that it's all... crap! Apparently, it's a myth, as described here: http://www.docshop.com/2008/06/23/colonic-irrigation-for-detoxification-and-weight-loss-healthy-hydrotherapy-or-hucksters-hype/. Wow! And from the well-respected Snopes.com: http://www.snopes.com/horrors/gruesome/fecalcolon.asp. So, I guess that won't work either.

But there are more and more ads that I keep seeing that I still really want to believe. My logic centers say they're BS, but I'd really like them to be true. Here are a few more:

Of course I had trouble finding them, now that I don't want them. So, what can I say? I did find a widget for exercise tips, so I posted it to this blog because I keep planning on doing more exercise and getting in shape, but I haven't written about that, yet. Whatevah.

Anyway, the ads... One has to do with earning $12,000 per day -- I researched it -- a complete myth. Another one shows how someone discovered how to eliminate stretch marks by combining two "great" products. Lastly, all of this "Resveratrol" stuff about how I can lose 10+ years of aging in my face. That would rock because I do NOT like all those little lines and how my eyelids are starting to sag over my eyes. I swear, in like 20 years, I'm not going to be able to keep my eyes open due to saggy lids. Well, then at least the eye lift will be a medically necessary procedure, so probably covered by insurance -- provided an insurance program exists at that point.

And all of the weight loss ones. Yup. I've even sent away for a few free trials: My Ally, the Pink Patch, Slim Seduction. I don't know if I'm allowed to legally write about that, but I'm not slandering anything and last I heard, it was a free country. Anyway, I've tried these products to no great effect for me, and some had some odd side effects for me (yes, I keep reiterating "for me" because I want to be clear that these are my words about my experience and that I'm writing neither for nor against - just a description of what I experienced), so I just wasn't sold.

But I still want to believe and the sheer volume of ads like this out there shows that I'm not alone and that marketers know that. Beware! Believe, but you know, believe wisely.