If not perfection at least an attempt at adequacy, please!

My first official blog full of stuff from my very own head. Wow. Okay, well, so as unoriginal as it is, it's late and I have to go to work in the morning, so I'm going to take a shortcut and just copy and paste here what I wrote to a friend of mine in an email message earlier. But, this missive was original, like, 5 hours ago -- I promise!

Okay, so my friend David has this email that he sends out to all his friends (lots and lots, he's a really cool person) on a regular basis just asking people a "question of the week." Today his question was about what horrible thing would you take pleasure from seeing happen to someone else. Here's where it led...

"Thank you. :-D (spoiler alert -- meandering email below...)

And, well, yes, I might pants George Bush. Poor tool. I'd feel kinda petty and guilty, but it would be kinda funny, too, because he's so completely oblivious to his evils.

You know, when I used to get upset with some stupid person (a long time ago before I realized what torture one can put one's self through) I used to wish for a person's fiery demise. Now, I wish for them self-realization and self-recrimination in how idiotic they are along with full awareness of all of their flaws, inanities (insanities, too, for that matter), shame and embarrassment, and to see that in their present incarnations they're really not even worthy of the very precious air that is wasted by the respiration that perpetuates their so very meaningless existences.

In this way, then, there are three paths the fates can offer as choices to this enlightened individual: to continually strive to become an ever better person, to choose to spare others from one's unfortunate presence through informed suicide (enter my proposal to allow criminals to choose death over life in prison), or to simply continue to suffer one's self internally, infernally and eternally. And it's all one's own choice. See, I figure that a lifetime of self-recrimination, awareness and change is a way better punishment and possible gain for the world than a few minutes of humiliation.

So, I suppose what I would prefer to have happen to George W. is for him to receive a bout of clarity and conscience... Although pantsing would be funny -- I have to admit that I laughed pretty heartily (then guiltily) when I saw the video of him dodging shoe projectiles. But, really, it's not so much the humiliation, but humility that I'd want him to acquire -- yup, that would be a way worse penalty than pantsing.

Yeah, it's not so much that I'm mean, as that I don't really like people in general all that much. I was just thinking about writing a blog on most people's lack of desire to strive for perfection -- or at least precision -- in everyday tasks. I was thinking of this while driving home tonight as I dutifully used my turn signal to change lanes with no one around to see (that's the true sign of goodness, you know, if you're good even when no one's around to see it), when lo and behold I saw headlights approaching going the wrong way on the one-way street I was on. I mean, WTF?! Why don't people care about whether or not G-d and the whole world know that they're stupid? And, they're also completely obviously inconsiderate because they could kill someone -- like me, and I'm so totally not ready to die and I try very hard ALL THE TIME to be good and do everything perfectly so that everyone will clearly see that I'm not a complete moron. And I also think that other people should, too! Yeah, this may mean that I have some issues, but if everyone had the same issues, I think things would probably move along pretty smoothly with fewer accidents and whatnot.

Okay, so what was I saying? Oh, yes. So, after that rant, I think that my thing would be for stupid people to receive self-awareness. I might not get pleasure out of it, but vindication is certainly close. And I wouldn't even need to feel guilty because it would really have nothing to do with me. So there.

Oh, geez, now I'm all self-aware of how petty that all is, yes, yes, I know, and I don't usually put it out there -- it's generally a private thing. So, well, welcome to my head and a glimpse of my own personal demons. I do try to be good, I try very hard, but sometimes, the stupid humanity thing gets in the way. Hence the anxiety disorder and complete inability to really relax and enjoy too much of anything. Maybe I surround myself in cats because I just really want to absorb their complete and utter lack of concern about conscience. They just are and they like it that way.

Well, whatever. I'm going to lose myself in some escapism like a book or TV. ;-) Later, dudely!

Suze"